Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
