just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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