The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
