Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
