I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
