I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
