dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
