At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Girls should come with a carfax report
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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