youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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