White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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