Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
