I want to have your abortion
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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