i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
