Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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