I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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