She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
