I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
