You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The power of my boobs compel you
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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