zippers are such a cool invention
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
