don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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