i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
