so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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