I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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