She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
