no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
