She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
