On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
