dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
