I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
