just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
