So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
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