There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
