Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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