My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
