Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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