I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
