You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
