i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
