A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
