I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
