thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
