look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
