i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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