If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
