i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
