I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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