Your mouth is God's brothel.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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