Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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