you guys were way drunker than both of me
I am midnight drunk by noon
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
