Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
