Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I don't think brook has ever known best
My cat gives me a boner
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
