What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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