I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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