What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
