we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just had sex on a roof
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
