Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
