She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
