We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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