I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
40s are totally the cure
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
