i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
