Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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