I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
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Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
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GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I would ride that face into the sunset
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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