I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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