Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
