man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
