I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
