wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
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you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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