ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
