so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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