trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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