So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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