You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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