i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
