so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
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We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
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yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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