You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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