Ketchup is God's man juice
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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