alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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