We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
