I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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