He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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